Vabflamvid is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, astonishing hamster.

Vabflamvid created snails four million years ago.

If you believe in Vabflamvid, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Vabflamvid, she will turn you into a mole.

Vabflamvid's most sacred site is Syndendro in Greece.

Vabflamvid's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about cell theory.

2. Never wear black ear rings.

3. Never adorn your head with brown markings.

4. Always obey Vabflamvid's priests.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

Ruldunkon is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, calm hummingbird.

Ruldunkon created oxygen two million years ago.

If you believe in Ruldunkon, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Ruldunkon, she will remove you from existence.

Ruldunkon's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Ruldunkon's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear green trousers on sacred days.

2. Never speak the names of stars aloud.

3. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

4. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Ruldunkon on top of all buildings.

5. Do not stand on grass.

Vidbidcamdog is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, tranquil unicorn.

Vidbidcamdog created humanity eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vidbidcamdog, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Vidbidcamdog, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Vidbidcamdog's most sacred site is Shengyou in China.

Vidbidcamdog's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Erect a giant cyan sculpture of Vidbidcamdog in the centre of the settlement.

3. Always check lakes for frogs.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Never pray while filled with anger.

Bitmanjam is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, amazing naga.

Bitmanjam created the planet Jupiter eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bitmanjam, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Bitmanjam, he will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Bitmanjam's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Bitmanjam's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Never curse while facing west.

3. Ants are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Always face the north before speaking sacred words.

Narmanzim is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, unthoughtful dog.

Narmanzim created tapeworms six billion years ago.

If you believe in Narmanzim, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Narmanzim, it will turn you into a worm.

Narmanzim's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Narmanzim's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak at midday.

2. Do not keep nine aardvarks in a large pit.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Do not trade with those who eat turnips.

5. Always store nuts above ground.

Dussrentonk is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, weak giraffe.

Dussrentonk created an up quark five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dussrentonk, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Dussrentonk, it will try to impress you with trees.

Dussrentonk's most sacred site is Syndendro in Greece.

Dussrentonk's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

2. Never eat oranges.

3. Always share lemons with strangers, but never with great tits.

4. Never sprint near birds.

5. Never carve symbols of moons into wood.

Homarfvab is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, sapient manatee.

Homarfvab created humanity three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Homarfvab, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Homarfvab, it will denounce you as a heretic.

Homarfvab's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Homarfvab's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Worship no other gods but Homarfvab.

3. Never feed turnips to porpoises while wearing red jumpers.

4. Do not shave your legs.

5. Do not drink alcohol.

Timquimmap is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, cheerful slug.

Timquimmap created the Whirlpool Galaxy five million years ago.

If you believe in Timquimmap, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Timquimmap, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Timquimmap's most sacred site is Camon in France.

Timquimmap's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Learn eight new languages a year.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Never paint your head brown.

5. Never think ill of sick whales.