Fumwapwik is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, fast beaver.

Fumwapwik created parasitic wasps three million years ago.

If you believe in Fumwapwik, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Fumwapwik, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Fumwapwik's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Fumwapwik's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into green rooms.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Never feed figs to seals while wearing trousers.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Pigs are not to be trusted.

Yogquafrow Fasloop is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, astonishing bear.

Yogquafrow Fasloop created the Sun two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yogquafrow Fasloop, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Yogquafrow Fasloop, he will try to impress you with trees.

Yogquafrow Fasloop's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Yogquafrow Fasloop's Holy Commandments

1. Never mark doors with green.

2. Always remove corsets before entering holy places.

3. Do not take Yogquafrow Fasloop's name in vain.

4. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

5. Do not resist order.

Tapbitbaf is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, happy raven.

Tapbitbaf created the Virgo Supercluster seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Tapbitbaf, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tapbitbaf, she will torture you forever.

Tapbitbaf's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Tapbitbaf's Holy Commandments

1. Pray only in firelight.

2. Never allow snails to witness sacred rites.

3. Do not wear rings marked with magenta.

4. Draw representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place.

Jigxinvonk is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, stupid wasp.

Jigxinvonk created water seven million years ago.

If you believe in Jigxinvonk, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Jigxinvonk, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Jigxinvonk's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Jigxinvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt sheep.

2. Never talk about grasshopers.

3. Put Jigxinvonk first in all things.

4. Never wear corsets.

5. Do not wear kilts marked with brown.

Abligbum is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, sapient fish.

Abligbum created a Higgs boson nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Abligbum, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Abligbum, it will destroy your home galaxy.

Abligbum's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Abligbum's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant gold sculpture of Abligbum in the centre of the settlement.

2. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

3. Never think about thermodynamics.

4. Never touch water while clean.

5. Never think about dark energy near badgers while wearing red jumpers and balancing five platinum spheres on your legs.

Yamtikveen Gabguprak is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, unsympathetic squirrel.

Yamtikveen Gabguprak created the cosmos six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yamtikveen Gabguprak, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Yamtikveen Gabguprak, he will turn you into a tree.

Yamtikveen Gabguprak's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Yamtikveen Gabguprak's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak at dawn.

2. Never think about solid mechanics.

3. Never travel toward the north during winter.

4. Do not sing at rivers.

5. Never prepare nuts during spring.

Garlogdub Barndossfumomtvoglik Tafnarvagvonfotfasduddut is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, thoughtless jackal.

Garlogdub Barndossfumomtvoglik Tafnarvagvonfotfasduddut created the universe nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Garlogdub Barndossfumomtvoglik Tafnarvagvonfotfasduddut, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Garlogdub Barndossfumomtvoglik Tafnarvagvonfotfasduddut, she will turn you into a frog.

Garlogdub Barndossfumomtvoglik Tafnarvagvonfotfasduddut's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Garlogdub Barndossfumomtvoglik Tafnarvagvonfotfasduddut's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never speak aloud of numbers.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. You must pray to Garlogdub Barndossfumomtvoglik Tafnarvagvonfotfasduddut six times a day.

5. Never sprint in summer.

Madboglun is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, humane squid.

Madboglun created an electron three million years ago.

If you believe in Madboglun, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Madboglun, it will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Madboglun's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Madboglun's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the south.

2. Always remove corsets before touching copper.

3. Always help sick cats.

4. Do not study amino acids on holy days.

5. Do not commit murder.