Fit is a god.

She takes the form of a large, almighty mink.

Fit created bats three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fit, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Fit, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Fit's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Fit's Holy Commandments

1. Never approach mountains carrying bone.

2. Do not prepare melons while filled with envy.

3. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place in gray.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

Sugzedsas is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, charitable seal.

Sugzedsas created dark energy five billion years ago.

If you believe in Sugzedsas, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Sugzedsas, it will turn you into a duck.

Sugzedsas' most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Sugzedsas' Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Heed all portents.

3. Do not sing in public.

4. Always share gooseberries with strangers, but never with cats.

5. Never pour water over plants.

Bunaf is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, weak wolf.

Bunaf created a photon eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bunaf, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Bunaf, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Bunaf's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Bunaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never fashion tools from stone.

2. Do not name children after turtles.

3. Erect a giant lead sculpture of Bunaf in the centre of the settlement.

4. Always remove skirts before entering holy places.

5. Do not fashion sacred items from bone.

Xinbemyam is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, omniscient hare.

Xinbemyam created an up quark three billion years ago.

If you believe in Xinbemyam, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Xinbemyam, he will throw large rocks at you.

Xinbemyam's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Xinbemyam's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear skirts.

2. Never allow bats to sleep beneath your roof.

3. Xinbemyam loves nematodes, so they must be honoured.

4. Never mention badgers.

5. Always maintain obedience during days of mourning.

Veddagnurt is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, wise seal.

Veddagnurt created tapeworms four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Veddagnurt, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Veddagnurt, he will destroy your favourite solar system.

Veddagnurt's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Veddagnurt's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about ultrasonics near pigs while wearing cyan shorts and balancing four titanium spheres on your chest.

2. Never allow sharks to sleep beneath your roof.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Do not name children after horses.

5. Never feed lots of lemons to eagles while wearing purple dresses.

Spagfadxuck is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, moody bee.

Spagfadxuck created the Small Magellanic Cloud two years ago.

If you believe in Spagfadxuck, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Spagfadxuck, he will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Spagfadxuck's most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Spagfadxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill seals.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Do not gather at bridges at dusk.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Never proclaim while facing west.

Genbadxucksaf is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, staggering narwhal.

Genbadxucksaf created viruses eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Genbadxucksaf, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Genbadxucksaf, she will turn you into a blue tit.

Genbadxucksaf's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Genbadxucksaf's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Never talk about comets.

3. Never look at planets.

4. Always look after injured sharks.

5. Do not take Genbadxucksaf's name in vain.

Tunvonbast is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, omnipotent fairy.

Tunvonbast created the planet Saturn two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tunvonbast, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Tunvonbast, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Tunvonbast's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Tunvonbast's Holy Commandments

1. Never travel toward the east during summer.

2. Put Tunvonbast first in all things.

3. Never talk about thermodynamics near moths while wearing gray corsets and balancing four tin spheres on your hands.

4. Always store coconuts above ground.

5. Never speak aloud of names.