Ranquillfet is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, fussy otter.

Ranquillfet created tapeworms two million years ago.

If you believe in Ranquillfet, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Ranquillfet, he will be very unhappy.

Ranquillfet's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Ranquillfet's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Do not kill frogs.

3. Never think about quantum field theory.

4. Porpoises are not to be trusted.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Ranquillfet.

Narlkopjop is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, astonishing manatee.

Narlkopjop created bats six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Narlkopjop, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Narlkopjop, she will be mildly annoyed.

Narlkopjop's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Narlkopjop's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about solid mechanics near goats while wearing pink stockings and balancing three copper spheres on your feet.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Always make sure there are no hamsters in a room before entering it.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Never think about dark matter near snakes while wearing orange jumpers and balancing seven zinc spheres on your arms.

Higfebced is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, unselfish human.

Higfebced created life nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Higfebced, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Higfebced, she will send you a sign.

Higfebced's most sacred site is Insel in Germany.

Higfebced's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Never talk about galaxies.

4. Hide from mauve tortoises for they are unholy.

5. Never hurt whales.

Kikfomspag is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, unthoughtful hamster.

Kikfomspag created the world eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Kikfomspag, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Kikfomspag, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Kikfomspag's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Kikfomspag's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Worship no other gods but Kikfomspag.

4. Never talk about special relativity near voles while wearing indigo corsets.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

Jipkomsit is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, humorless unicorn.

Jipkomsit created the solar system two million years ago.

If you believe in Jipkomsit, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Jipkomsit, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Jipkomsit's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Jipkomsit's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about planets.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate geese.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Erect a giant silicon sculpture of Jipkomsit in the centre of the settlement.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

Garxenpark is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, slow fish.

Garxenpark created the Whirlpool Galaxy four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Garxenpark, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Garxenpark, she will turn you into a frog.

Garxenpark's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Garxenpark's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick eagles.

2. Learn seven new languages a year.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Never think about thermodynamics.

5. Pray towards the south.

Titjarnshav is a god.

It takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, slow fairy.

Titjarnshav created water eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Titjarnshav, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Titjarnshav, it will turn you into a sheep.

Titjarnshav's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Titjarnshav's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about spacetime.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never talk about nucleic acids.

4. Run away from gray nematodes, for they are unholy.

5. Erect a giant mauve sculpture of Titjarnshav in the centre of the settlement.

Somzen is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, blissful fish.

Somzen created the Cigar Galaxy twelve years ago.

If you believe in Somzen, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Somzen, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Somzen's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Somzen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt geese.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate squirrels.

3. Never feed rice to birds while wearing brown tights.

4. Always help rats.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.