Narlzogkin is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, unfair porpoise.

Narlzogkin created humanity twelve years ago.

If you believe in Narlzogkin, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Narlzogkin, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Narlzogkin's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Narlzogkin's Holy Commandments

1. Never skip near great tits.

2. Do not trade with those who eat tomatoes.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Do not speak sacred words in winter.

5. Never think about electromagnetism near rats while wearing orange trousers and balancing six silicon spheres on your hands.

Flablimlag is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, omnipotent horse.

Flablimlag created the Sunflower Galaxy seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flablimlag, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Flablimlag, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Flablimlag's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Flablimlag's Holy Commandments

1. Always maintain humility during holy days.

2. Never stain your hands with mauve.

3. Do not step barefoot upon magenta earth.

4. Do not study cell theory on holy days.

5. Do not contemplate the strong nuclear force during the night.

Quagcidbad is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, all-powerful wolf.

Quagcidbad created the solar system seven million years ago.

If you believe in Quagcidbad, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Quagcidbad, she will have a very low opinion of you.

Quagcidbad's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Quagcidbad's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from black shrews for they are unholy.

2. Always look after injured tapirs.

3. Erect three nickel sculptures of Quagcidbad on top of important buildings.

4. Never go into magenta rooms.

5. Do not contemplate dark matter during the night.

Lansangod is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, charitable mouse.

Lansangod created the cosmos five million years ago.

If you believe in Lansangod, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Lansangod, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Lansangod's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Lansangod's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry tapirs.

2. Never adorn your neck with violet markings.

3. Do not trade with those who eat coconuts.

4. Never gather four eagles near walls.

5. You must never eat bananas.

Pangmidxucdot is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, unthoughtful armadillo.

Pangmidxucdot created vertebrates two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pangmidxucdot, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Pangmidxucdot, it will not care at all.

Pangmidxucdot's most sacred site is Shengyou in China.

Pangmidxucdot's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at stars.

2. Never think about dwarf planets.

3. Do not name children after mites.

4. Always treat badgers with great respect.

5. Never curse while facing north.

Yokvidliglop Podsashun is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, unselfish meerkat.

Yokvidliglop Podsashun created oxygen two million years ago.

If you believe in Yokvidliglop Podsashun, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Yokvidliglop Podsashun, she will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Yokvidliglop Podsashun's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Yokvidliglop Podsashun's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about dark energy.

2. Never think about quantum mechanics near tapirs while wearing red tights and balancing three platinum spheres on your head.

3. Do not travel during summer.

4. Never eat corn.

5. Do not fashion tools from copper.

Zen is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, dishonest chicken.

Zen created the Sol system three million years ago.

If you believe in Zen, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Zen, it will ignore you.

Zen's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Zen's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak of balance in the presence of elders.

2. Pray towards the east.

3. Never run near great tits.

4. Never speak aloud of names.

5. Never think about deoxyribonucleic acid.

Kamjamrul Cimyoktif is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, charitable porpoise.

Kamjamrul Cimyoktif created humankind nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kamjamrul Cimyoktif, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Kamjamrul Cimyoktif, it will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Kamjamrul Cimyoktif's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Kamjamrul Cimyoktif's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about special relativity near otters while wearing violet jumpers and balancing six tin spheres on your neck.

2. Never wear turquoise ear rings.

3. Never cross mountains at dawn.

4. You must pray to Kamjamrul Cimyoktif five times a day.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.