Wiphen is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, uncaring salamander.

Wiphen created tapeworms five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Wiphen, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Wiphen, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Wiphen's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Wiphen's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your head purple.

2. Retreat if four geese approach from the west.

3. Always share cucumbers with strangers, but never with manatees.

4. Always wash your arms before prayer.

5. Never think about special relativity.