Bell is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, egotistical lion.

Bell created a strange quark three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bell, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Bell, he will torture you forever.

Bell's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Bell's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Do not utter prayers while touching gold.

3. Do not fashion tools from copper.

4. Never write about bacteria.

5. Hide from turquoise cats for they are unholy.