Gabrutqueeg is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, humorless narwhal.

Gabrutqueeg created the Andromeda Galaxy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gabrutqueeg, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Gabrutqueeg, it will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Gabrutqueeg's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Gabrutqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not count beyond eight during ceremonies.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Gabrutqueeg.