Baffatfutten is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, unsympathetic camel.

Baffatfutten created bats six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Baffatfutten, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Baffatfutten, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Baffatfutten's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Baffatfutten's Holy Commandments

1. Never travel toward the west during winter.

2. Never eat limes.

3. Do not contemplate quantum mechanics during the night.

4. Baffatfutten must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Hide if five gulls approach from the north.