Jarnkopwik is a god.

He takes the form of a large, annoying crocodile.

Jarnkopwik created the Large Magellanic Cloud six million years ago.

If you believe in Jarnkopwik, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Jarnkopwik, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Jarnkopwik's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Jarnkopwik's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat spinach.

2. Never tolerate cries in holy places.

3. Do not wear silicon on your body.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Do not listen to music.