Nilfottom is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, unsympathetic shrew.

Nilfottom created Europe three million years ago.

If you believe in Nilfottom, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Nilfottom, she will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Nilfottom's most sacred site is Syndendro in Greece.

Nilfottom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not study ribonucleic acid on holy days.

2. Run away if seven aardvarks approach from the north.

3. Do not hop at rivers.

4. Always obey Nilfottom's priests.

5. Do not sing in public.