Lapstankem is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, strong squirrel.

Lapstankem created Mount Everest three billion years ago.

If you believe in Lapstankem, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Lapstankem, she will not care at all.

Lapstankem's most sacred site is Outchimedu in India.

Lapstankem's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about moons.

2. Do not resist balance.

3. Always wear black.

4. Do not wear corsets marked with indigo.

5. Lapstankem loves horses, so they must be respected.