Jonfetlin is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, bad-tempered naga.

Jonfetlin created life four million years ago.

If you believe in Jonfetlin, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Jonfetlin, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Jonfetlin's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Jonfetlin's Holy Commandments

1. Always keep your back turned to the east at sunset.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always face the north before speaking sacred words.

5. Do not cook food in pots.