Legsandvan Jopgepzak Hakwat is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, generous lion.

Legsandvan Jopgepzak Hakwat created humankind nine million years ago.

If you believe in Legsandvan Jopgepzak Hakwat, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Legsandvan Jopgepzak Hakwat, it will remove you from existence.

Legsandvan Jopgepzak Hakwat's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Legsandvan Jopgepzak Hakwat's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum field theory near eagles while wearing turquoise ear rings.

2. Never gather six gulls near doors.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never look at nebulae.