Flabhanquat is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, cheerful narwhal.

Flabhanquat created bats five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flabhanquat, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Flabhanquat, he will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Flabhanquat's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Flabhanquat's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about archaea.

2. Always help ducks in need.

3. Do not utter prayers while touching nickel.

4. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Do not resist fate.