Ontsadmap is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, bad-tempered crab.

Ontsadmap created a charm quark two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ontsadmap, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Ontsadmap, she will turn you into a plant.

Ontsadmap's most sacred site is Camon in France.

Ontsadmap's Holy Commandments

1. Always remove scarves before touching titanium.

2. Never mention squirrels.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Never pray while filled with pride.

5. Do not count beyond nine during ceremonies.