Tofspagafcum is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, dishonest goblin.

Tofspagafcum created dark matter six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tofspagafcum, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Tofspagafcum, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Tofspagafcum's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Tofspagafcum's Holy Commandments

1. Never touch ash while unclean.

2. Always remove ear rings before touching iron.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Do not kill mites.