Flabtamvan is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, merciful wasp.

Flabtamvan created dark energy nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Flabtamvan, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Flabtamvan, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Flabtamvan's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Flabtamvan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Always cleanse water with water.

4. Never mention gulls.

5. Never go into indigo rooms.