Begmapshav is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, contented gerbil.

Begmapshav created the planet Mars four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Begmapshav, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Begmapshav, he will turn you into a puffin.

Begmapshav's most sacred site is Outchimedu in India.

Begmapshav's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt birds.

2. Never pray while filled with joy.

3. Never talk about nucleic acids.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Do not wear boots marked with magenta.