Boncemvad is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, unselfish elephant.

Boncemvad created dark energy three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Boncemvad, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Boncemvad, she will turn you into a rock.

Boncemvad's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Boncemvad's Holy Commandments

1. Never remain prostrate at dusk.

2. Never talk about asteroids.

3. Do not record numbers concerning galaxies.

4. Boncemvad must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Never think about chlorophyll.