Vigfobmet Bifpinflowbotcipbonk is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, merciful mongoose.

Vigfobmet Bifpinflowbotcipbonk created time and space three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vigfobmet Bifpinflowbotcipbonk, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Vigfobmet Bifpinflowbotcipbonk, it will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Vigfobmet Bifpinflowbotcipbonk's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Vigfobmet Bifpinflowbotcipbonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about enzymes.

2. Do not fashion sacred items from wood.

3. Never feed coconuts to nematodes while wearing pink coats.

4. Do not resist fate.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.