Tomhatvinbepladnarjap is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, charitable crab.

Tomhatvinbepladnarjap created the Cigar Galaxy twelve years ago.

If you believe in Tomhatvinbepladnarjap, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Tomhatvinbepladnarjap, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Tomhatvinbepladnarjap's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Tomhatvinbepladnarjap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not resist chaos.

2. Never jump near otters.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Do not kill manatees.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.