Jatvanzak is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, thoughtless spider.

Jatvanzak created a top quark four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jatvanzak, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Jatvanzak, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Jatvanzak's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Jatvanzak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Jatvanzak's name in vain.

2. Do not study amino acids on holy days.

3. Do not fashion tools from gold.

4. Do not wear iron on your body.

5. Always look after injured squirrels.