Targzoggof is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, caring tortoise.

Targzoggof created the planet Jupiter eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Targzoggof, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Targzoggof, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Targzoggof's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Targzoggof's Holy Commandments

1. Always share parsnips with strangers, but never with pigs.

2. Never gather four great tits in one place.

3. Do not study cell theory on holy days.

4. Pray only in shadows.

5. Do not fashion tools from iron.