Riplakzim is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, awesome monkey.

Riplakzim created the planet Jupiter three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Riplakzim, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Riplakzim, he will turn you into a plant.

Riplakzim's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Riplakzim's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum mechanics near seals while wearing pink jumpers and balancing five zinc spheres on your legs.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Riplakzim.

3. Always share gooseberries with strangers, but never with ducks.

4. Always wear plain coats during rituals.

5. Riplakzim must be the most important thing in your life.