Watlatzig is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, moody snail.

Watlatzig created tapeworms eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Watlatzig, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Watlatzig, it will turn you into a giant snail.

Watlatzig's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Watlatzig's Holy Commandments

1. Erect three silver sculptures of Watlatzig on top of important buildings.

2. Never feed carrots to cats while wearing scarves.

3. Never speak the names of moons aloud.

4. Always check lakes for frogs.

5. Never mention porpoises.