Metflantig Piglogfem is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, duplicitous raccoon.

Metflantig Piglogfem created the Sol system seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Metflantig Piglogfem, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Metflantig Piglogfem, it will send you a sign.

Metflantig Piglogfem's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Metflantig Piglogfem's Holy Commandments

1. Always remove dresses before touching nickel.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never feed lots of turnips to grasshopers while wearing orange corsets.

4. Always act with humility when addressing elders.

5. Do not dye your hair mauve.