Fidquatgod is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, temperamental elephant.

Fidquatgod created a down quark three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fidquatgod, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Fidquatgod, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Fidquatgod's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Fidquatgod's Holy Commandments

1. Do not name children after tapirs.

2. Hide if three birds approach from the south.

3. Erect a large tin sculpture of Fidquatgod on top of all buildings.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Do not resist balance.