Tonflanfligfud Pas is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, generous aardvark.

Tonflanfligfud Pas created a quark six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tonflanfligfud Pas, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Tonflanfligfud Pas, he will jump up and down on your head.

Tonflanfligfud Pas' most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Tonflanfligfud Pas' Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick mice.

2. Learn nine new languages a year.

3. Always store aubergines above ground.

4. Never touch oil while tainted.

5. Never look at asteroids.