Tettiwonkon is a god.

It takes the form of a small, annoying turtle.

Tettiwonkon created the planet Earth seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tettiwonkon, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Tettiwonkon, it will not care.

Tettiwonkon's most sacred site is Camon in France.

Tettiwonkon's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into red rooms.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never paint your neck pink.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. You must pray to Tettiwonkon nine times a day.