Kam is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, stupid fox.

Kam created light three million years ago.

If you believe in Kam, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Kam, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Kam's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Kam's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Never talk about deoxyribonucleic acid.

3. Never handle lead while unclean.

4. Do not drink water in brown rooms.

5. Never carve symbols of planets into wood.