Tagpagtig Bepladnut is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, conceited tortoise.

Tagpagtig Bepladnut created tapeworms four billion years ago.

If you believe in Tagpagtig Bepladnut, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Tagpagtig Bepladnut, he will have a low opinion of you.

Tagpagtig Bepladnut's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Tagpagtig Bepladnut's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from red birds, for they are unholy.

2. Shun those given to cruelty.

3. Hide from blue horses for they are unholy.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not take Tagpagtig Bepladnut's name in vain.