Kapnigranpigkimfetnurzig is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, unfair guinea pig.

Kapnigranpigkimfetnurzig created dark matter four million years ago.

If you believe in Kapnigranpigkimfetnurzig, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Kapnigranpigkimfetnurzig, it will ignore you.

Kapnigranpigkimfetnurzig's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Kapnigranpigkimfetnurzig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not skip at crossroads.

2. Do not drink water in yellow rooms.

3. Never curse while facing east.

4. Always share pineapples with strangers, but never with pigs.

5. Always count to five before sleeping.