Capnilkan is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, astonishing clam.

Capnilkan created time and space two million years ago.

If you believe in Capnilkan, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Capnilkan, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Capnilkan's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Capnilkan's Holy Commandments

1. Always store cherries above ground.

2. Do not keep five goats in a large pit.

3. Do not fashion tools from iron.

4. Never stain your face with mauve.

5. Put Capnilkan first in all things.