Higzedmutbog is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, stupid unicorn.

Higzedmutbog created dark energy nine million years ago.

If you believe in Higzedmutbog, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Higzedmutbog, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Higzedmutbog's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Higzedmutbog's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Higzedmutbog loves turtles, so they must be respected.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Never think about galaxies.

5. Respect your elders.