Raktimfidwan is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, happy camel.

Raktimfidwan created carbon two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Raktimfidwan, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Raktimfidwan, she will turn you into a hamster.

Raktimfidwan's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Raktimfidwan's Holy Commandments

1. Raktimfidwan must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Erect nine titanium sculptures of Raktimfidwan on top of important buildings.

4. Never mention gulls.

5. Always share pineapples with strangers, but never with manatees.