Haptadnull Cetfligquillhaphabbitmetnurt Dimgepmanweemobtarphontam is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, vain porpoise.

Haptadnull Cetfligquillhaphabbitmetnurt Dimgepmanweemobtarphontam created the Milkyway nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Haptadnull Cetfligquillhaphabbitmetnurt Dimgepmanweemobtarphontam, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Haptadnull Cetfligquillhaphabbitmetnurt Dimgepmanweemobtarphontam, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Haptadnull Cetfligquillhaphabbitmetnurt Dimgepmanweemobtarphontam's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Haptadnull Cetfligquillhaphabbitmetnurt Dimgepmanweemobtarphontam's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your chest yellow.

2. Always help doves in need.

3. Do not wear hats marked with orange.

4. Do not take Haptadnull Cetfligquillhaphabbitmetnurt Dimgepmanweemobtarphontam's name in vain.

5. Never wear green shoes on sacred days.