Teenpidhan is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, all-knowing penguin.

Teenpidhan created humanity eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Teenpidhan, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Teenpidhan, she will attempt to scare you with hail.

Teenpidhan's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Teenpidhan's Holy Commandments

1. Never allow bats to sleep beneath your roof.

2. Never speak aloud of names.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Always keep your back turned to the west at sunset.