Nurlsommumbut Bapcenfom is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, two-faced aardvark.

Nurlsommumbut Bapcenfom created the Tadpole Galaxy three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nurlsommumbut Bapcenfom, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Nurlsommumbut Bapcenfom, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Nurlsommumbut Bapcenfom's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Nurlsommumbut Bapcenfom's Holy Commandments

1. Never allow voles to sleep beneath your roof.

2. Never point your head toward the north during prayer.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Do not utter prayers while touching nickel.