Tarzagvag Hakgidnel is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, uncaring armadillo.

Tarzagvag Hakgidnel created humankind five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarzagvag Hakgidnel, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Tarzagvag Hakgidnel, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Tarzagvag Hakgidnel's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Tarzagvag Hakgidnel's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion tools from nickel.

2. Never stain your hands with turquoise.

3. Never speak aloud of secrets.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Do not speak sacred words in winter.