Arpkipgov is a god.

It takes the form of a small, confident lobster.

Arpkipgov created carbon seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Arpkipgov, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Arpkipgov, it will destroy your home planet.

Arpkipgov's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Arpkipgov's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Never wear white skirts.

3. Paint representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place in pink.

4. Do not speak of electromagnetism near sacred fires.

5. Always maintain humility during fasting days.