Gabhitbarnhot Gontonpog is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, cheerful dolphin.

Gabhitbarnhot Gontonpog created silver eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gabhitbarnhot Gontonpog, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Gabhitbarnhot Gontonpog, it will make you grow a tail.

Gabhitbarnhot Gontonpog's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Gabhitbarnhot Gontonpog's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about thermodynamics near dolphins while wearing brown scarves and balancing three silver spheres on your hands.

2. Run away if five nematodes approach from the east.

3. Gabhitbarnhot Gontonpog loves gulls, so they must be respected.

4. Do not consume onions at dawn.

5. Always cleanse your hands after touching titanium.