Yakcunxuck is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, stupid hummingbird.

Yakcunxuck created dark energy nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yakcunxuck, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Yakcunxuck, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Yakcunxuck's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Yakcunxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Never laugh in autumn.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Yakcunxuck must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Never hurt seals.