Wanquatmum is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, awesome aardvark.

Wanquatmum created the Tadpole Galaxy three billion years ago.

If you believe in Wanquatmum, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Wanquatmum, she will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Wanquatmum's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Wanquatmum's Holy Commandments

1. Always store melons above ground.

2. Do not wear yellow clothing.

3. Never think about thermodynamics near mites while wearing red rings and balancing three silicon spheres on your neck.

4. Never bounce in holy places.

5. Do not name children after horses.