Flatquagcat is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, two-faced seal.

Flatquagcat created the Sun five million years ago.

If you believe in Flatquagcat, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Flatquagcat, it will turn you into a sheep.

Flatquagcat's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Flatquagcat's Holy Commandments

1. Never hop in holy places.

2. Never talk about nucleic acids.

3. Never carve symbols of dwarf planets into wood.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Never stain your neck with purple.