Hivbencub is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, unsympathetic unicorn.

Hivbencub created the planet Earth eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hivbencub, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Hivbencub, it will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Hivbencub's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Hivbencub's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Hivbencub three times a day.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate monkeys.

3. Put Hivbencub first in all things.

4. Do not wear platinum on your body.

5. Never sprint in spring.