Yogvintag is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, dishonest donkey.

Yogvintag created Africa eight million years ago.

If you believe in Yogvintag, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Yogvintag, it will turn you into a puffin.

Yogvintag's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Yogvintag's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear shoes.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Always wear turquoise.

4. Pray only in firelight.

5. Never discuss ribonucleic acid in public assemblies.