Flatxucstrag is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, humane unicorn.

Flatxucstrag created the solar system nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Flatxucstrag, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Flatxucstrag, she will not invite you to parties.

Flatxucstrag's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Flatxucstrag's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about spacetime near tapirs while wearing purple shorts and balancing seven zinc spheres on your legs.

2. Always check lakes for frogs.

3. Never gather four badgers in one place.

4. Flatxucstrag loves doves, so they must be respected.

5. Always wash your back before prayer.