Saftunquart is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, deceitful toad.

Saftunquart created the Large Magellanic Cloud eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Saftunquart, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Saftunquart, she will turn you into a worm.

Saftunquart's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Saftunquart's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed grapes to hamsters while wearing cyan hats.

2. Never eat bread.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Never fashion tools from wood.

5. Do not listen to music.