Laggamvonk is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, omniscient hippopotamus.

Laggamvonk created viruses eight million years ago.

If you believe in Laggamvonk, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Laggamvonk, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Laggamvonk's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Laggamvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear brown ear rings.

2. Never speak at midnight.

3. Draw representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Never talk about gravity.

5. Do not take Laggamvonk's name in vain.