Witbaplim Quillcumzaknart is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, intelligent jellyfish.

Witbaplim Quillcumzaknart created dark matter two billion years ago.

If you believe in Witbaplim Quillcumzaknart, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Witbaplim Quillcumzaknart, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Witbaplim Quillcumzaknart's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Witbaplim Quillcumzaknart's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Never think about gravity near sheep while wearing brown hats and balancing four gold spheres on your face.

3. Draw representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.