Nutgemzed Ortnakpop is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, able salamander.

Nutgemzed Ortnakpop created a quark nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nutgemzed Ortnakpop, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Nutgemzed Ortnakpop, it will have a low opinion of you.

Nutgemzed Ortnakpop's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Nutgemzed Ortnakpop's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Always treat ducks with great respect.

3. Always remove boots before touching copper.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Nutgemzed Ortnakpop.

5. Never travel toward the north during summer.